Grateful Dean

In breaking news that continues to make everybody want to sell their spouses and their children on eBay and make a run for the border, 3/4s of the remaining members of The Dead will be hitting the road this fall and will put an exclamation point on the festivities by freakin everybody the fuck out on Halloween at Madison Square Garden. If you’re one of those that’s considering a run for the border, you better do so while NYC’s Donald Trump is still just a candidate. Should he get elected, a wall that makes China’s look like security gates for a toddler will be built. The announcement, that was busted out like St Stephen in 83, was made by Jambands.com this morning. Those bitches were on the scene like Jackie Greene and created a euphoric vibe that has blasted through Grateful Dead Land alleviating the depression that has crippled its inhabitants since July 6th. Early reports called the quintet Los Muertos(The Dead in Spanish) but later the article was edited to Dead and Company. While we’re talking in spanish, can anybody tell me why Spanish speaking folks can’t say “New York”??? They always say, “New Jork”… It’s not that they have a problem with the sound because they all say, “New Yersey” instead of “New Jersey”… That one always baffled me…

It seems as though the lineup changed a little bit from previous rumors and Oteil “Bad Ass” Burbridge will be laying down the bass like a Boss! I don’t think anybody can talk smack about that brother, he’s got more chops than a Karate Tournament! Early pictures and reports were that Mike Gordon would be playing bass but apparently that idea was scrapped. I tried to get in touch with Mike but he was having his nails polished(WTF???)… First the scarves, then the hair, now the manicures… That brother will be another Caitlyn in no time… And we thought it would be Fishman all this time… “Goes to show, ya don’t ever know!”

Moving on… Deadheads are absolutely thrilled that they will all have a chance to finally see and hear John Mayer. For those that thought Trey was an awful choice, I have a question… How ya like these fuckin apples??? While the hateful among the grateful have already begun identifying themselves, John has started experimenting with LSD along with his current girlfriend Katy Perry to prepare himself for this new challenge. I tried to get an interview with them but they both refused to get out of the tree… Expect to be impressed by a guitarist that Eric Clapton has called, “A Master Guitar Player”. That’s pretty lofty praise coming from one of the best to play the instrument but I’m sure Grateful Dead fans know better than he does… Please don’t say that Jerry is “Rolling in his grave” because he was cremated… It’s predicted that by winter, John M will be the new John K and John K will return to his former job managing a Radio Shack location close to where his parents live and wishing he never left Dark Star Orchestra… Those who can’t stand jokes regarding John K will be extremely disappointed by that one and send me hateful comments and messages. I Love you regardless!

It is EXTREMELY important for everybody to know that Peter Shapiro has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with this tour. While many fans have begun writing letters in advance to complain about all of the shit that hasn’t happened yet including the cost of tickets, availability and every other damn thing, you’ll have to send that shit to someone else. Peter will be hosting Phil at The Cap as well as Trey Band at Brooklyn Bowl Las Vegas. This time around, when you’re looking to say “FUCK (Insert Promoter’s name)!!!” please leave him out of it… He has only good wishes for the Tour but is grateful that assholes like me will be leaving him alone for the next few months… If I were you, I’d make it to Lockn!!! That’s gonna be a Hoedown and a Half!!!

Does anyone else find it slightly odd that the 3 members are playing about a half hour away from Phil on the same night? Let there be songs to fill the air, I guess…

If we have the same crew mix Los Muertos as we did Fare Thee Well, you can look forward to seeing Jeff Chimenti. You can’t look forward to hearing him but you’ll definitely see him there. Ya gotta give Jeff a shout out as quite possibly one of the nicest musicians we have in the community. Not only have I seen a million people post pics taken with Jeff but he’s smiling in every one of them. That’s not always easy to do when a million assholes want their picture taken with you… You Da Man Jeff and Terrapin Nation Loves you!!!

New York! Hope ya got the ways and means!!! This is gonna be fun!!! More to come…

My friend, Eric Schwartz of Lone Star Dead Radio, won’t leave me alone about plugging his damn Facebook Page Days Between Anyone that knows Eric is well aware that you’ll find valuable content there. In hopes of him not sending me anymore messages about it, I ask you to check it out. Mama Mia…

Dead To The Core,

Dean