Grateful Dean

For throwback Thursday I bring you the piece I wrote that sparked my abundantly fruitful career in Journalism. It was written after days of constant speculation regarding Bob’s condition following the cancellation of all shows nearly a year ago. Here it is in all it’s glory…

Speculation After Weir Cancels All Future Shows

Dear Everyone,

Bob Weir will live but only if you stop talking about him… He hasn’t stopped for 50 years. He’s sick and tired of trying to make you happy at the expense of his own life. You can send all future correspondence to The Bohemian Grove where he will be growing a brand new tree made of the hair of sacrificial virgins. He will rest easy on a Hammock and enjoy his days in a “Clothing Optional” Setting. Following his shoulder surgery he will be nourished with the finest Organic Meats and Produce using only Grey Poupon as a condiment. He will enjoy rehabbing his shoulder by playing ping pong with Jimmy Carter and others closer to his age, level of intelligence and worldly influence.

Afternoon Tea will be shared with those whom are extremely high minded in their own sight and followed by brisk rides on 3 Wheeled Bicycles with long shafted Orange flags that reach to the sky signaling their whereabouts. He will make sand castles and relive the youth that passed him by so quickly due to his commitment to The Greatest Live Band in The History of Civilization.

He will have a picture of every single one of you on his nightstand. It’s a really, really, really large nightstand. Before he goes to sleep at night, he will look fondly upon all of our pictures and, nonverbally but no less sincerely, wish us all a peaceful night’s rest.
It is through this process that he will, for the first time, in all actuality, Wake up and find out that he really is the Eyes of The World. All of the Idolatry and past admiration has prepared him to take on this enormous challenge. See here how everything…. Lead up to this day…

Please direct all Prayer toward his continued vision in the future. If he can’t see, we’re all screwed. As a sidenote, Phil interviewed for the position but unfortunately, or fortunately, wasn’t chosen due to his Contract with Shapiro. He will simply remain the bass player…
In the words of an All Time Great, Bob Marley, “Don’t worry… Bout a ting… Every little ting, gonna be Alright!!!”

Carry on….

And The Official Home of Unofficial Grateful Dead News was conceived…

Preparation for The Dead’s Fare Thee Well shows has begun!!!check it out here.

Gratefully Deadicated,
Dean Sottile (pronounced SoTilly)

www.gratefuldean.com
Facebook Group – The Official Home of Unofficial grateful Dead News

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