Tag Archives: Phil Lesh

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In tremendous news this week, it was announced that Zane Kesey will be leading the charge in turning Chicago from a Gangster’s Paradise to a Prankster’s Paradise 4th of July weekend. The announcement gave birth to a Bouncing Baby Joy as people started canceling hotel reservations quicker than they made them. According to early reports there is tons of camping and more special guests than 20 years worth of Rex Benefits. Special guests won’t be hard to come by since everybody that plays an instrument has booked a gig in Chicago already. John K’s name was finally mentioned bringing rainbow colored happiness to his immediate family as well as himself. Some fans have had more splinters in their asses than kids with no athletic talent and fathers that insist they’re on baseball teams since John K’s name has been mostly absent up until now. You’d think he’s Donna or something. I’m gambling on both of them participating in the historic weekend.

The name “50th Anniversary Acid Test” caused Chicago law enforcement to order 40 Clown Noses and begin training officers to ride unicycles and learn how to juggle immediately. The group of Merry Pranksters have made it clear that rumors of Hologram Owsley passing out Kool-aid are false. They have claimed the only acid that will be readily available during their event will be Uric Acid, the chief culprit in the onset of Gout. Posts have been made by the leaders of the movement that even snacks high in purines, typically leading to increased levels of Uric Acid and ultimately the onset of Gout will be extremely limited.

The announcement made by the Pranksters has sent a Spirit of Happiness through a community that has desperately needed some. The community that centered around not taking it all so seriously, in recent months has more closely resembled our government than the community we all were crafted from. The addition of a large scale Prankster Event is exactly what this weekend needed. With the connections that exist within this group of highly intelligent people posing as clowns, the guests that pass through this event are sure to be top shelf L, S and D Level Celebrities.

Tickets, prices and availability haven’t been announced yet which should give many of you plenty of time to think of how you’ll complain about tickets, prices and availability. It was mentioned that the location is within jogging distance to Soldier Field as long as you can jog like Forest Gump. When I asked for details about performers and events for the weekend, I was hit in the face by a Cream Pie and then buried in that string shit that gets sprayed out of cans. Rest assured, The Pranksters know how to throw a party and have a strong female membership which typically assures that a bunch of stuff won’t be forgotten, like water and toilets.

Early rumors include performances by a Dark Star Orchestra Cover Band and a yodeling competition sponsored by a generic Hot Chocolate Company. A Prankster Olympics competition is a strong possibility with events like the Hamstring Pull and Synchronized Tent Screwing. For the Irish folks, have a go at the Sunburn competition! What’s on the menu you ask? BBQ Ribs and mashed potatoes with Wavy Gravy. Speaking of Wavy, when asked if he would be camped out there for the weekend he replied, “You can find my ass camping at the Four Seasons you absolute nobody!” There’s no doubt that vehicles leaving the event on Monday will all smell like a mix between a gymnasium and a shallow grave.

We look forward to more details emerging as the days go by and I personally wonder if it’s all a joke in the first place. We all know Official Pranksters have one day a year off and that’s April 1st. Maybe the whole thing is a Prank that was mentioned on the first day back to work. I think it’s about time the leaders of those whose job it’s been throughout the years to spread laughter have emerged. I don’t know what the requirements ever were or are to be an Official Prankster but I’m glad the Official Army of Smiles have announced their participation in this historic weekend in what seems like an enormous fashion. As an Officially Unofficial participant of the weekend, it makes me happier than a briefcase full of acrobats!

Just a side note, LSD was supposed to show you everything you were required to see by now. The windows should all be open by now for most of us. The next step on the ladder was realizing you always had everything required to see what you needed to see without LSD but needed it for a while in order to reorganize your mind and demolish your ego long enough to allow that shift to happen. By removing the overbearing influence of the educated mind and handing over control to our innate consciousness we learned more about ourselves than books could’ve ever taught us. If the message didn’t come through by the time you were hearing Brokedown Palace, chances are you might have missed it. Anyway, what do I know? I’m just a guy with a website.

The Holy Days of April were celebrated in a fashion that perfectly represented the figures and events that were celebrated. Phil lead a Jewbilee at Terrapin Temple with the well to do while his brother, Bill Kreutzmann, posted a video of himself, in true Christ like fashion, taking a moment to play some makeshift drums with a street performer following brunch in San Francisco. I don’t know about anyone else, but watching that video really made me smile from deep inside. Check it out if you haven’t seen it on his Facebook Page.

Last but certainly not least, I Love You and there’s not a single thing you can do about it. Talk to ya soon!

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Following a week filled with excitement regarding the rumored addition of west coast shows for the Dead, activity settled down quicker than an actress with a chloroform soaked rag over her face. The Dead camp paused for a week and allowed Phil the spotlight he deserved to celebrate his 75th birthday. All seemed relatively quiet in Grateful Dead Land otherwise.

Phil and his friends celebrated our favorite bass player’s 75th birthday with a week’s worth of shows at The Cap. While many shows were sold out, well in advance of the event, for EVERY single show, including Phil’s birthday show, a SIGNIFICANT percentage of tickets were released in the days leading up to the shows. Keep that in mind for Chicago friends. I was able to sneak in by pretending I was a small child. One thing led to another and before you know it, I was scooped up lovingly by Phil and we were singing Ripple together. It was a wild trip that I’ll never forget!
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Phil’s bass playing has long been some of the most incredible and innovative playing in history. His command of the instrument is second to none. His low notes are way lower than yours. Phil made it clear throughout the week that his singing is the musical equivalent of Donald Trump’s hair. Maybe I’m not supposed to say that but I just did. Regardless, I’m grateful Phil is still thriving and making music at 75. My grandfather was a professional musician and played his old Wurlitzer electric piano every day of his life that he was able. Musicians are just cooler than the rest of the population, regardless of their age. Happy B Day Phil! Your life has helped change the course of musical history forever! Love You!!!

While opinions of Warren vary, I personally love his voice as well as his sound. While his love for Garcia is equal to ours, his style is completely his own. He sings from deep within his heart as opposed to his head and is able to use his soul as the final amplifier through which lyrics and emotions pass. He fills the entire room with the depth of his sound and his own connection. Not everyone can do that, Warren can…

Then with the patience and precision of a military strike, Phish finally released dates for their Summer tour. The band’s constantly trolling fan base left Grateful Dead sites for the first time since January to return to trolling themselves. The timing of the announcement seemed well orchestrated as after 3 grueling months, Dead Heads seem exhausted by their own complaining and have returned to posting pictures from the lot in Deer Creek, 92 and T-shirts they’ve owned since 1983.

The lull in activity created a precise moment for the unveiling of Phish’s Summer plans including the band’s 10th Festival, Magna Ball, meaning “Massive Testicles” in Latin. When asked about the name the band said, “It’s in August, It’s hot, the odor is pretty bad, there’s very little room to move, it’s totally packed and completely uncomfortable. We imagine this is what life would be like as massive testicles crammed into Mike’s stylish skinny pants. Tom and Trey will be writing new songs for the event that nobody will understand but everyone will sing with compassionate faces and furrowed eyebrows leading people to believe something deeply emotional is taking place during songs written about testicles.

One tradition the Phish crowd has carried on with far greater intensity than the Grateful Dead fan base is bitching about ticketing only moments following on sales. It seems like the upgraded campground, Glen Close, named because it’s close to the activities oddly enough, and because Fishman once slept with her, sold out in 8 seconds leading to an abundance of Conspiracy Theories and more chapped asses than the fans, not in the Glen Close compound, will have by the Monday following the event after shitting in the woods and wiping themselves with branches for 3 days. The upgraded campsite provides festival goers with the opportunity to shower during the weekend and drop their deuces in a toilet as opposed to Port-a-Johns that, by Saturday, will have corn anchors stacked well above the seat, where younger fans will continue to aerial drop their brown trouts making turd pyramids for the record books.

As signs of a maturing crowd following the band, RV Passes were the next to sell out only 12 seconds later. Even though the band selected a location that will accommodate every single person that wants to attend, the arguments around the community seem to be based on the level of comfort they’ll be able to acquire. Instead of Dead Heads complaining about the size of the venue and the inability to secure tickets at all, the Phish people are extremely upset that they might not be able to have the accommodations and amenities they desire. Apparently, the band is married to 100,000 wives that are impossible to please.

In closing, the preceding months have caused me to reflect on the past 30 years of my life like never before. Images from the past have been coming through with such detailed clarity. This week I thought about taking my dog for nightly walks as a teen living with my folks. My brother and I would go burn one and return to watch The Honeymooners or, on the one special night a week we’d grease our minds to properly prepare for The Grateful Dead Hour. Dead Heads throughout the entire NY metropolitan area would gather around the clock radios our grandmas bought us for Christmas or the vintage tubed stereo systems with as many dials as Phil’s basses. Back then we didn’t have archive.org, we had David Gans. He was the archive of our younger years and critical listening occurred during his weekly radio show. For many, the best chance you had of hearing soundboards from the latest tour was by tuning in to his weekly show. His voice was synonymous with all things Dead. We didn’t have the Internet so most of us wouldn’t recognize him by face if we were standing next to him. Unless he spoke, then every Dead Head would recognize him immediately. We looked forward to those nights with incredible anticipation starting the day before the show. Now I have a computer with every show that’s been played at my disposal. I’m really not sure which is better… Thanks for being such a cool part of my youth, David! I appreciate you!
Until next time, Love Y’all!

This piece is dedicated to the memory of Calico… God’s Speed Sweet Soul…

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