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For those that missed it, The Official Home of Unofficial Grateful Dead News attracted the attention of a writer at the New York Times and I ended up with my picture and one lousy quote in an article on the 50th Anniversary Shows in Chicago. You can find that article here Grateful Dead Fans Replace VW Vans With Jets and the Ritz-Carlton

I’m writing this piece aboard my yacht and eating shit that rich people eat, all while my staff of underpaid and overworked peasant servants are busy manicuring the expansive gardens on my compound and braiding the manes of my imported unicorns. I like the picture but I do have one regret. I wish I was wearing an ascot. I typically step into my 10,000 thread count Egyptian pajamas when I get home and put on my ascot to remind me of the vast wealth and opulence that surrounds me and keep any possible draft from causing a chill on my neck. That would be much more fitting for a guy like me. Ahhhh yes, the good life…

There’s one thing that was clearly left out of the New York Times article. The great equalizer of all people, great and small. The one thing that showed everyone within an hour or so how level the playing field of real life really is. What was missing was a huge punch bowl of Owsley’s Kool-Aid. For those of us that swam in the deep end of Owsley’s pool, the realization of seeing the world exactly how it is through the psychedelic microscope of unlimited perception is part of what changed us forever. I remember watching people that had great power and influence within their materially driven worlds come unglued, like a child’s art project subjected to the forces of nature. They would then be comforted and kept from going completely insane by a guy that lives in a van. Those who were high minded in their own sight were driven to tears at many an Acid Test as the illusion they maintained for most of their lives came into contact with the Great Magician. When the curtain was removed from the pillar of inflated senses of self, what was left was typically a deflated and scared child crying like they just got the news that Santa Claus died. One of the special things about this community was that there was always some folks, that the individual previously deemed far inferior to them, ready and willing to help them through their complete and total meltdown. We found through those experiences how level the playing field was for every single one of us. Preconceived ideas of the importance of people, places and things gave way to the realization that we’re all truly one. While some may have been more entertaining than others we realized the significance of the gifts that were inherent in everyone and how they were all equally important in the game of life. We saw through all the bullshit and Paper Tigers as all things appeared exactly as they were without any of the false filters that were installed in us by the media machine year after year since our births. You never knew which side of your psyche would be up for examination but with time and some repetition, all aspects of our lives and thoughts would have to endure the scrutiny of the Acid Test. Those of us that stuck around long enough eventually got our degrees. I’ve kept all of those valuable lessons near and dear to my heart and my daily affairs.

When Katie contacted me to participate in the interview for a piece the New York Times was doing, after she came across my blog, I was happy to participate. She is a really sweet woman that was given an assignment to create a piece about an issue that, in my opinion, wasn’t much of an issue. The incredibly high prices of making it to the Dead’s Fare Thee Well shows in Chicago and all the wealthy people that were going for the party. During our interview, she wanted my commentary on how expensive tickets were and I was pretty clear that while tickets listed on StubHub for tens of thousands of dollars, nobody was buying in at that price. I told her I could list my daughter’s bike on Craigslist for $25,000 if I wanted to but nobody would buy it. I explained that as we get closer to the shows those prices will have to drop dramatically or nobody is buying them. The story wanted to focus on something other than what the scene has always been about. It’s always been about all kinds of people coming together under the umbrella of Grateful Dead Music and joining as one. Since the beginning, Dosed Doctors have shared dancing space with Drunk Derelicts… Christians danced beside Criminals… Powerful people joined hands with paupers… The truth was always that WE are everywhere. From the top to the bottom and everywhere in between. Once we entered the lot, any barrier that seemed to separate us previously vanished instantly before our eyes. That’s the Grateful Dead Community that I’ve always been a part of over the years.

Certainly, I’ve pulled no punches on my blog about how a portion of the vocal fan base think they should have everything for nothing and that they’re somehow entitled to be there because they’re more deserving than someone else. Perhaps those folks need to be reacquainted with the Great Equalizer or at the very least, remember the things we took from those experiences. Nobody deserves anything any more than anyone else. There will be just as many people that will make Chicago happen on a hope and a prayer as there are people that will be doing it any other way. Life has always been about being a contributor to me. Making a difference in the lives of others utilizing the gifts you’ve been given. Whether that’s making people laugh a little more often or being able to cook them something worth eating. Rewards in life can often be measured by how you utilize those gifts. I’m grateful that my life has been full of experiences that continue to confirm all of those things I learned in the deep end of Owsley’s pool. I’m grateful that I never see myself above or below any other individual. I’m grateful that I’ve always seen everyone in the game of life as equals and have treated them that way whether they’re my server at a restaurant or the President of a large corporation or College or a member of my favorite band. Some Rise, Some Fall, Some Climb…

Following the Dear Jerry show last Thursday, I jumped in my car and drove home, 4 hours, from Merriweather Post. I drove home immediately after because Friday morning was Daddy Day at my daughter’s school. I had time for 3 hours of sleep before getting up and ready for the dreaded day. I felt like I got run over by a herd of Rhinos wearing cleats. When I arrived at my daughter’s school, she became the happiest little thing I’ve ever seen. We ran around together for her recess and I ended up staying longer than expected to have lunch and ice cream with her. My head felt like a rotten cantaloupe… My daughter reached her little arms around my neck and hugged me as hard as she could. She said, “This is the best day ever, I Love you daddy!” When Garcia died, I never thought a voice would be created in the same key as my Soul ever again… Then I heard my daughter’s… My heart melted and my head cleared as the deepest sense of gratitude settled deep within me. That’s what makes me a rich man, not where my seats or hotel is located in Chicago.

California Kevin wrote to me on my Facebook Page yesterday with a beautiful picture of himself, his wife and his 2 daughters. He told his story. He mentioned he couldn’t write or type that good but continued to honestly share the path his life has taken over the years. He said that 25 years ago he didn’t have a house to live in, just a woman he loved and was beginning to create memories with. He was grateful for everything that he learned through the process but he had things in life that were more important to him than the Dead nowadays. First and foremost, being a present and loving father watching his 2 beautiful daughters grow up. He won’t be taking a Private Jet to Chicago and he didn’t score a package from CID but California Kevin is an extremely rich man. Regardless of where he’s staying or how he’s getting there… Love y’all!!! See ya soon!

Dead To The Core,

Dean Sottile (pronounced So Tilly)

Alpine89

For those that can’t find satisfaction anywhere since Garcia passed, there was Meet Up at The Movies. Those of us that were at Alpine that year remember a few things. We Bid You Goodnight caused God himself to cry for the next 2 days straight. The torrential rains began immediately following the first We Bid You Goodnight since December 31, 1978. I’ll never forget the opening lyrics and the intense amount of chills that coursed through my entire body. It was on a Monday and the last time my body was completely dry until some time the following Thursday. If there was ever a Navy Seal Hell Week on Grateful Dead Tour, it was Alpine 89. The first hour or so that followed our exit from the Ampitheater was pure ecstasy. Then came the realization that not only were you as wet as you were high but that, high was wearing off and wet wasn’t.

As a 45 year old man now, The Summer of 89 was My personal Summer of 69. My first Summer that I said, “Fuck It!” and left home with $40 and a backpack and hitched rides around the country seeing the Summer Tour in it’s entirety, all by myself. Well… Not really by myself, a bunch of you were out there too. It’s the Summer I really learned the depth and magnitude of the experience and had sufficient time to have the outer shells ripped off of me like an onion. The year I realized I was a stranger nowhere and could find commonalities and kindness anywhere. The year I realized that I can become everything and become nothing all within the same week. The Summer I realized I could have a mountain of riches one day ordering $50 Steaks to my room at The Ritz Carlton and having conversations with the crew at the bar and spend the following night eating grilled cheese and sleeping in the woods sharing deep thoughts with the homeless. I experienced all sides of life that Summer and I’ll never be the same because of it. It changed everything about my perspective on life. It was the best Summer of my life…

On to reviewing the Meet Up at The Movies… The Summer of 89 found the band in the finest form they had experienced in a long time.  As the show kicked off with Hell In a Bucket, we all instantly remembered what made The Dead, The Dead. I was right back there except dry this time. I should have gotten fully dressed and took a shower before the Movie to really bring it all back home. When the first notes of Sugaree get fired off I always get this indescribable and soothing calm that comes over me. Hearing Garcia’s voice is like being dipped in a vat of Cool Aloe when you have a sunburn. I was reminded of so many of those nights inside of venues when in the midst of the brain melting mayhem, you looked toward the stage and just immediately noticed Garcia’s right arm and elbow that always seemed to stand out like an angel’s wing amongst the backdrop of dim lights and his all black attire. As he ran through the solos, it was as if The drummers kept this enormous machine spinning while Brent’s sweet Hammond heaped coal into the furnace that was processed by the machine and shot out out as pure heat that flew off of Garcia’s strings like sonic bullets covering us all in the radiant glow of progressive and continuing enlightenment. The whole thing being pushed steadily forward by the incomparably deep sounds of Phil’s bass that was always there to perfectly cover any open spaces we might fall through.

The Cowboy segment never disappoints and 89 was certainly a healthy and dominant year for Weir. Then the official first set Garcia favorite of all fans born to wander the world and play the game of life through the eyes of a rebellious and unattached drifter, Althea. Every single verse in that song is a Masterpiece. Each one better than the last… It cuts you as deep as it heals you. It attempts to correct you as much as it encourages you never to be corrected. One of my favorite favorite Jerry tunes ever and I think a lot of us feel that way.

I like Victim now better than I did then. That’s all I’m gonna say. That tune really became the official Anthem for The Freaked Out Early Exit. I saw a lot of spooked out hippies head for the doors early at many a show during that tune. West LA made me realize that not only was Garcia my favorite artist of all time but that he was also my favorite Gangster! All of a sudden those Orthopedic shoes started looking a little more like some crisp white Gangsta kicks that may have been a gift from a friend name Rocco or Tony Montana. The whole thing just brimming with the sound that added so many characters and colors to everything the band played. I didn’t know if I should just keep smiling or just start crying….

When Desolation Row started I went to get a bite to eat… At home… I got home, boiled water, cooked some ziti, ate it and got back in time for the last 3 verses. When the song began, I noticed Weir appeared to have a runny nose. He actually had time to completely heal from a mild cold during the song. Deal provided everything required for an intermission filled with excitement and anticipation of more of the same high energy we were all jiving on…  I must say, I appreciated the 30 second Intermission as opposed to what felt like a week and a half of waiting for the band to come back on the night it actually happened. While I’m saying that, Is it just me or are songs actually much shorter than I remembered them being? It always seemed like Space was the hardest 3 hours to get through… Now when I listen back, it wasn’t but a few minutes… It felt like forever back in the day…

Box was always a favorite and consistently a good sign of things to come when the second set opened with it. The Foolish Heart was outstanding and as a Garcia tune, I always liked it from the first time I heard it. I felt that way about most Garcia tunes. Looks like Rain was made instantly better because Terrapin followed it. As the the band made their way into drums, we get a camera full of Kreutzmann who looked like an Epileptic that just discovered bread sticks at a salad bar. Billy could go way out there and absolutely had the best faces of any member in the band when he was really in the pocket. His eyes were so far back in his head I’m surprised he didn’t get jumped by Paramedics. I always have loved watching him. Mickey is just plain sinister on drums playing with all kinds of cool stuff back there. Shit gets weird during drums and you’d look up and Mickey would be hitting a Goat’s skull with the jawbone bone of a donkey or some kinda shit like that. What a treat!

Watching  Jerry and Brent interact is something else that brings tears to my eyes. If any one of us tried to stand between Garcia and Brent at any point, during any show, we’d melt faster than a chocolate Easter Bunny in The Caribbean sun. When those 2 were interacting with each other musically it provided more magical moments than David Copperfield’s Vegas routine. I’m eternally grateful to have been present for so many of those moments.

The big reason I wouldn’t miss this years Meet Up at The Movies was because of The Dew. If my Soul was a song, It would be The Dew. Watching Garcia during that was a mixture of euphoria and sorrow. Euphoric that it happened, sad that it hasn’t in 20 years and never will again.  If I was only able to listen to one song for the rest of my life, it would be Garcia singing The Dew. That night was a fine example of why. For a man that rarely moved more than a few inches during the course of an evening, nobody in history could hold 20,000 people in the palm of their hand like Garcia could. During the quiet moments, we’d all wait to breathe until it was most appropriate. Garcia smiling for one second on the big screen still sends cheers throughout Theaters from Los Angeles to New York City. I’d like to personally thank Carolyn Garcia for the last great Garcia years from the late 80s to the very early 90s. Mountain Girl was the one constantly positive piece to the Garcia puzzle. She made more of the sacrifices that had to be made, often at the expense of her own comfort, to care for Jerry throughout his life than anyone. He was as vibrant and alive through that stretch as I was personally ever able to see him. Often times in life, the bucket that holds your gifts is the same size as the bucket that holds your curses. For someone like Garcia, Balance was a point he passed by very briefly on his way to the next extreme. A talent like the world will only experience once in history, not nearly as impressed by himself as the throngs of followers that surrounded him. A reluctant leader better acquainted with his own shortcomings than any outsider would ever consider him having. It was all part of what caused us to Love him even more. Even from a Theater, over 25 years later, his star was shining as brightly as it ever has… He made all of us feel like he was singing directly to us. We all thought, at least a few times, he was looking right at us, he was just that engaging. He didn’t have to be flashy because his core emitted more Juice on a bad day than a costumed poser could possess on their best day. He had the attention of everybody and everybody hoped, if only for a moment, to have his… That was well worth the price of admission…

Dean Sottile (Pronounced SoTilly)
The Official Home Of Unofficial Grateful Dead News

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