A wave of ecstacy has crested over the inhabitants of Grateful Dead Land for the second time in 4 months as the band officially announced 2 shows in Santa Clara, California the weekend before Chicago. Sure, it was announced unofficially by Bill Walton, The Sporting News, Jambands.com, Relix, Festivalhappenings.com, The Victoria’s Secret catalog, pamphlets at Tourist Welcome Centers, every fan that pretends to have connections, every fan that doesn’t and the least connected of all sources, The Official Home of Unofficial Grateful Dead News. While I’d prefer another video by Trixie, the silver haired Fox that sits on the throne of sexiest Dead Family Member, in my eyes, I’m glad they handed the official duty over to David Gans. He’s a brother that deserved the job. I hope I never meet Trixie… I’m sure my words would probably come out similar to those times in my early days of touring when I thought it might be a good idea to call home during intermission to ease my parent’s concerns since I hadn’t been home or called in a month. I’d have a case of boiling brain and run to a pay phone. When my mom answered I’d attempt to talk and something like, “She wanna buy a tender cannon shallow Garcia bacon mule” would come out. I’d hang up immediately due to scaring myself. I’d imagine I could possibly be exactly that composed meeting Trixie. Love ya Trixie! You’re way hotter than Bob! I digressed…

It’s clear that there’s a lot of people that can keep a secret like Sammy “The Bull” Gravano in “The Family”. This story had more leaks than the Titanic. When Bob Weir was asked about the additional shows he stated, “Even a blind man knows when the sun is shining!” Then he rushed the mic, threw a chord into the air, flipped his head back, went way falsetto and said, “HAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! I can feel it too!” The unprecedented demand for more Dead far exceeded the expectations of nearly everybody in the Dead Camp as well as the entire music world. While most of us have never stopped talking about the Dead since the 70s and 80s, people that have paid no attention to them ever are completely on board. Money is coming in quicker than it has since “Touch Of Grey” reached number 9 on the Billboard charts in 87. This time around the guys are more prepared than ever to capitalize on their last run of this magnitude. With Bob and Phil both owning watering holes and Meccas for live music in relatively close proximity to Levi’s Stadium, they’re taking home The Pregame Gold, The Main Event Gold and The Post game Gold. It’s pretty clear that the Illuminati could learn a few things from the Dead. Have The Dead been the leaders of the Illuminati all along??? SHATNER MOMENT (Incredibly overdone emotional outburst complete with frantic body language (Thanks Allison)!!!!!! I digressed…

When it was only one weekend in Chicago it seemed like we could all just enjoy a historic moment, on a holiday weekend, with people we love and The band that gave us most of the tools we have for living a life of kindness and absolute fuckery. With addition of more shows, thousands of people are now considering leaving their spouses, their homes, their jobs and every other thing they’ve accumulated during the past 20 years to chase the irreplaceable days of our youth. Even though the shows have been scheduled on weekends, one can’t help but fight the urge to act like a 20 year old whose parents think they’re at college. Many people have already collected over 60 tickets for events that precede and follow the Main Event for every show they’ll be attending. They’ve all done so forgetting they’re not 20 anymore and they’ll be ready for bed by the time The Dead finishes the first set.

One of the more profitable ideas, in my opinion, would be napping stations. I don’t know about you, but I’m gonna require a few naps if I’m gonna be full throttle when I wanna be. I’d pay good money to check into a napping station. By the time Space comes around, the Stadiums will resemble nursing homes more than concerts. People with absolutely flaming sunburns will have completely crashed in the most awkward positions, head way back, mouth wide open, neck all jacked up. Maybe people will get enough sleep during Intermission and Space to have ample energy to leave the building. You’ll remember reading this when you see the snoozers.

With a capacity of up to 70,000, I’m sure Levi’s will be a suitable venue for these shows. The madness and mayhem starts now! Have fun y’all!!!

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