Tag Archives: Fare Thee Well

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In tremendous news this week, it was announced that Zane Kesey will be leading the charge in turning Chicago from a Gangster’s Paradise to a Prankster’s Paradise 4th of July weekend. The announcement gave birth to a Bouncing Baby Joy as people started canceling hotel reservations quicker than they made them. According to early reports there is tons of camping and more special guests than 20 years worth of Rex Benefits. Special guests won’t be hard to come by since everybody that plays an instrument has booked a gig in Chicago already. John K’s name was finally mentioned bringing rainbow colored happiness to his immediate family as well as himself. Some fans have had more splinters in their asses than kids with no athletic talent and fathers that insist they’re on baseball teams since John K’s name has been mostly absent up until now. You’d think he’s Donna or something. I’m gambling on both of them participating in the historic weekend.

The name “50th Anniversary Acid Test” caused Chicago law enforcement to order 40 Clown Noses and begin training officers to ride unicycles and learn how to juggle immediately. The group of Merry Pranksters have made it clear that rumors of Hologram Owsley passing out Kool-aid are false. They have claimed the only acid that will be readily available during their event will be Uric Acid, the chief culprit in the onset of Gout. Posts have been made by the leaders of the movement that even snacks high in purines, typically leading to increased levels of Uric Acid and ultimately the onset of Gout will be extremely limited.

The announcement made by the Pranksters has sent a Spirit of Happiness through a community that has desperately needed some. The community that centered around not taking it all so seriously, in recent months has more closely resembled our government than the community we all were crafted from. The addition of a large scale Prankster Event is exactly what this weekend needed. With the connections that exist within this group of highly intelligent people posing as clowns, the guests that pass through this event are sure to be top shelf L, S and D Level Celebrities.

Tickets, prices and availability haven’t been announced yet which should give many of you plenty of time to think of how you’ll complain about tickets, prices and availability. It was mentioned that the location is within jogging distance to Soldier Field as long as you can jog like Forest Gump. When I asked for details about performers and events for the weekend, I was hit in the face by a Cream Pie and then buried in that string shit that gets sprayed out of cans. Rest assured, The Pranksters know how to throw a party and have a strong female membership which typically assures that a bunch of stuff won’t be forgotten, like water and toilets.

Early rumors include performances by a Dark Star Orchestra Cover Band and a yodeling competition sponsored by a generic Hot Chocolate Company. A Prankster Olympics competition is a strong possibility with events like the Hamstring Pull and Synchronized Tent Screwing. For the Irish folks, have a go at the Sunburn competition! What’s on the menu you ask? BBQ Ribs and mashed potatoes with Wavy Gravy. Speaking of Wavy, when asked if he would be camped out there for the weekend he replied, “You can find my ass camping at the Four Seasons you absolute nobody!” There’s no doubt that vehicles leaving the event on Monday will all smell like a mix between a gymnasium and a shallow grave.

We look forward to more details emerging as the days go by and I personally wonder if it’s all a joke in the first place. We all know Official Pranksters have one day a year off and that’s April 1st. Maybe the whole thing is a Prank that was mentioned on the first day back to work. I think it’s about time the leaders of those whose job it’s been throughout the years to spread laughter have emerged. I don’t know what the requirements ever were or are to be an Official Prankster but I’m glad the Official Army of Smiles have announced their participation in this historic weekend in what seems like an enormous fashion. As an Officially Unofficial participant of the weekend, it makes me happier than a briefcase full of acrobats!

Just a side note, LSD was supposed to show you everything you were required to see by now. The windows should all be open by now for most of us. The next step on the ladder was realizing you always had everything required to see what you needed to see without LSD but needed it for a while in order to reorganize your mind and demolish your ego long enough to allow that shift to happen. By removing the overbearing influence of the educated mind and handing over control to our innate consciousness we learned more about ourselves than books could’ve ever taught us. If the message didn’t come through by the time you were hearing Brokedown Palace, chances are you might have missed it. Anyway, what do I know? I’m just a guy with a website.

The Holy Days of April were celebrated in a fashion that perfectly represented the figures and events that were celebrated. Phil lead a Jewbilee at Terrapin Temple with the well to do while his brother, Bill Kreutzmann, posted a video of himself, in true Christ like fashion, taking a moment to play some makeshift drums with a street performer following brunch in San Francisco. I don’t know about anyone else, but watching that video really made me smile from deep inside. Check it out if you haven’t seen it on his Facebook Page.

Last but certainly not least, I Love You and there’s not a single thing you can do about it. Talk to ya soon!

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I think the most exciting development in Grateful Dead Land this week had to be The Iron Sheik calling me out on his Facebook Page. Peter Shapiro is in the process of securing a venue for a No Holds Barred, Steel Cage Match between the Iron Sheik and Yours Truly in Chicago, 4th of July weekend. Mail order ticketing and VIP Packages to the event will be announced shortly. I promise to get tickets into the hands of the faithful and out of the hands of scalpers. As for the Sheik, I put him in Hateful Dead Lock of Dread, I break his neck, I kick his lifeless donkey head, I make him humble!

A venue will be hard to come by since, as of now, every jam band that ever existed has booked dates in Chicago for 4th of July weekend. Apparently, the carcass the Dead drag around can feed every single Dead inspired configuration with enough meat to be eaten for over 4 days. Everybody knows that the best way to celebrate the weekend is to have every Dead cover band that ever existed play the Dead’s music before and after the Dead, all weekend long. With dozens of options before and after every show, I have a question, Does anybody sit the fuck down and have a conversation anymore??? Does anybody else wanna chill with some jazz being played by relatively unknown local musicians, at volumes that permit us to talk about something either completely relevant or completely irrelevant? I’m not fueled by narcotics any more so I doubt I’ll be up to 7 concerts per day. Either way, there’s more than enough for ticketless people to do in Chicago 4th of July weekend.

I’m sure I’ll see y’all at some after parties and I’d like to thank everyone that’s offered to buy me a beer. If I took everyone up on their offer, I’d be absolutely comatosed.  I’d have a weekend filled with those moments I had in the 80s and early 90s. Those moments when you think you’re dancing until someone steps on your fingers. The moments you realize, once the sun starts coming up, that you’re somehow asleep… In a shopping cart… On the median of a highway… Without your shoes… In a different state of the country other than the one you started in… While those days are fun to talk about now, they weren’t always as fun as it is to tell the stories 20 years later. I’ll take a club soda, Thanks! At least when I spill nowadays, stains are actually removed.

What comes back to me this week is a couple of things. One is a peculiar run in I had a while back. The year was 1989. It was the New Year’s Eve run at the Oakland Coliseum. Space seemed to be getting less spacey and I was running pretty quick to get back to my spot before the music started again. While doing a poor job of watching where I was going and making a sharp turn, I ran full speed into what seemed to be a hot book bag full of bowling balls and vinegar. It nearly knocked me out. What I ran into was Bill Walton’s nuts. I looked up past the circling tweety birds  and apologized to this tree of a human being that at the moment was like The Jolly Red Giant. He didn’t budge 1 inch as I ran at nearly full speed, directly into his groin. It hovers at about the same height as my head apparently, when I’m in a running posture. Happy faced and totally unscathed by the incident, he just smiled and said, “Happy New Year!”

That brings me to my other memory. The impact the Dead have had throughout the years on everyone and everything around them. Every Internet news site has gotten involved in writing pieces about the Dead simply because the mention of their collective name drives thousands of people in their direction. Name any one of them individually and not nearly as much happens. Write about “The Dead” collectively and absolute magic happens. Even the Sporting News got in on the action this week after the Jolly Red Giant and long time friend of the Dead, Bill Walton, tweeted about the Dead playing in Santa Clara. It seems as if Walton got a call from Weir after the tweet that went something like this, “SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!” as the tweet was deleted shortly after it was posted. EVERYBODY wants in on the action. Hippie chick dresses and tie dye sales have increased astronomically since January as everybody is dyeing to get a piece of the massive wave of financial increase the Dead leave in their path, wherever they go. The Dead have done more to simulate the economic activity of people generally opposed to working altogether than any President or stimulus program in history. The amount of prosperity directly tied to their recent activity is immense. Their event is directly responsible for the abundance that thousands are experiencing as a result of just showing up around them. Are The Dead “cash grabbers” or is the community that instantly appears all around them? I wish I had some kind of talent that made me something other than another customer about now… Clearly the answer to every problem that exists in the world is The Grateful Dead. Most of us knew that all along…

David Gans contacted me last week and informed me that the Grateful Dead Hour is still on the air. For those that may not have known, you can find where it airs near you right here

If you’re able, you can drop a donation to The Grateful Dead Hour here

Radio, like everything else has become dominated by Big Corps selling their artists. It’s not as glamorous today as it was in the past. Do your part to contribute and give back to the scene that created you. It’s healthy for your existence. Those that live to give are always more blessed than the rest.

Will this be a week of total Dead Domination with the Official Santa Clara Announcement? Stay tuned…

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