Grateful Dean

Vermont’s Phinest and Phavorite Phuckin Band, Phish, set another record Phriday when tickets to The Madison Square Garden show on New Year’s Eve sold out 2 hours before they went on sale. Ok… No more spelling shit with “Ph”. The new record beat the past record set by The Fare The Well Shows this Summer that were sold out approximately 90 minutes before ever going on sale. As always, my internet request was denied partially due to the fact that I only submitted one. Those who had at least 20 people in their family submit a request seemed to get at least 2 tickets.

While people are already lined up and occasionally hitting refresh on TicketMaster’s website, rest assured, this shit is already sold out. Get in at 12:00 on the dot and guess what??? Nothing Available… At least the days of typing messed up security codes like “Wonderladen Flipsomalist” have been replaced by clicking the pictures that have Hamburgers. I don’t know how much a robot costs or where you purchase one but I think we should all chip in and buy one. What’s a ticket gathering robot look like? Is it like a mannequin that you sit at your keyboard? I tried eBay but I didn’t see any there. Please don’t answer my rhetorical and obviously ridiculous questions…

Is it just me being older or has technological advances made it much harder to get tickets for the shit you really want to see? I remember back in the day partying all night on a line outside of a record store to score tickets for The Dead, Black Sabbath, Van Halen, Judas Priest and all those fine bands. As long as you slept out on that line, you got your tickets. Now, for a show a half hour from my house, I can’t even sleep out at Walmart with the other 3 guys that live near me, that can’t type the security codes fast enough either, to buy tickets until tomorrow. Tomorrow is too late… As a matter of fact, none of it matters because they sold out 2 hours before they went on sale…

Do those scalpers on the street outside of MSG wearing those jackets with the big 8 Ball on the back and made of the finest Corinthian leather get their tix from TM? I know they sit out there up to 20 minutes after the show is over still trying to buy and sell tickets. Who the hell sells their tickets to those dudes? Somebody has to because they sit out there all day and all night long buying and selling.

When I contacted the band about the problem, Jon, who seems much more friendly on stage in a dress than he did on the phone said, “You’re the guy with the blog? I have a good idea, Why don’t you go piss into a fan you fuckin idiot!” At that point I assumed he may not be interested in further questions and decided to move on. I found Mike on the street in New York and when I asked him, he apparently wanted to challenge me to a staring contest without actually asking as he looked at me for as long as I cared to look back without saying anything at all… I really think these guys like me, they just don’t show it like some others might…

The only solution is to find a band to really enjoy that absolutely sucks. Historically, it’s been extremely easy to purchase tickets for shitty bands. I guess we can find a shitty band to follow or just roll with it. Regardless, by New Year’s Eve, most people that don’t completely suck at life will find their way into the Garden. Good Luck searching through the message boards for the next 3 months wasting hundreds of hours of your time grovelling like a crack head hooker by an ATM before you eventually get your tix 1 hour prior to show time on the street in front of MSG! See ya there! Good Luck!