In news more shocking than a toaster thrown in the bathtub, It’s been reported that The Dead will schedule 6 more shows due to the overwhelming demand that’s been expressed in recent weeks.
The news broke early this morning when ex NBC Reporter, Brian Williams announced the story shaking up the music world. Brian, based on information he claims to have received from his so called “friend and classmate”, Wavy Gravy, reported, “The Dead have booked venues on both sides of the country for 6 more concerts celebrating their 50th Anniversary.”
Brian, whose news reports are as reliable as condoms purchased in the bathrooms of gas stations, has been hired by The Official Home Of Unofficial Grateful Dead News based in New Jersey. When asked about his new position Brian said, “Contrary to popular belief, I’m not Beethoven! The quality of news reported by The Official Home Of Unofficial Grateful Dead News seemed to be a perfect fit for me.”
“In order to calm the insatiable demand that’s been displayed by the faithful, we’re gonna add a few shows,” said nobody related to the band at all. In hopes of keeping Kanye West at bay, The Dead have have announced that Treyoncé will play guitar for all 6 shows. This should add even more Star Power to an already incredible line up.
In other news, Bob Weir played with John Oates this week at his home base, Mill Valley’s Sweetwater Music Hall. Fans have been craving more collaboration between the artists since the appearance of Hall and Oates at the Rainforest Benefit at MSG in 88. For those that can’t remember, Hall and Oates joined the Dead that night right at the peak of everybody’s high with a performance that was as awkward as watching Bruce Jenner slowly turn into LaToya Jackson. Precisely at the apex of our psychedelic trajectory for the evening, out comes what at first appeared to be Siegfried & Roy with a show killing rendition of their pop hit, “Every Time You Go Away”. The only thing worse than Garcia not having his voice that night was Hall and Oates having theirs… The duo were a natural fit this week since Bob has an uncanny resemblance to Darryl Hall as seen by people that don’t see too good.
Get your crayons and magic makers ready y’all!!! Time to decorate more envelopes!!! In the meantime, Don’t take yourself so damn seriously…
Gratefully Deadicated,
Dean Sottile (pronounced SoTilly)
www.gratefuldean.com
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