In a performance that woke up more pussy than a pack of barking dogs, Bob Weir and John Mayer lit up the stage last night on The Late Late Show. In unofficial research, Bob Weir performances have been shown to be 10 times more powerful than hormone replacement therapy in aging women. Super fans Jan Longacre and Jen Brandse, both agreed that the last time their estrogen levels were that high they were crawling out of tents, following Ecstasy binges, near Deer Creek. “We don’t need hormone replacement therapy, just more Weir Tunes!!” the ladies exclaimed.
For the faithful folks that insisted on watching the entire show as it aired, they had to endure John Mayer’s monologue that was as funny as having whooping cough and diarrhea at the same time. When Mayer mentioned being known as a womanizer, Weir looked at him like the Lion King would look at Simba and chuckled.
Like many that have come awfully late to the party, John Mayer revealed that Grateful Dead Music has recently hit him harder than a cocktail at Bill Cosby’s house. He too has been sucked into the vortex of Grateful Dead addicition like a housewife on Oprahium. John said that he’s listening to 2 hours of The Dead daily, which is 10 hours less than the rest of us, but admirable. The topic of $40 Million sent to the Stinson Beach office was brought up , as was reported only by The Official Home of Unofficial Grateful Dead News on 1/27.( gratefuldean.com/mail-order-mayhem-continues/ )
He presented Weir with his Mail Order envelope that I hope is returned with the dreaded denial letter from hell like the rest of us… Incredibly, he mentioned the 3 nights at Soldier Field as being Sold Out when tickets don’t go on sale for another 3 weeks. When asked about that, The Illuminati replied, “We don’t really exist.”
As for Bob Weir, his appearances on mainstream television often seem as comfortable as a burlap speedo. In interviews he’s been known to come across with a sense of humor and perspective that’s dryer than a popcorn fart. Quite possibly one of the coolest cats ever born, Weir talks very similarly to how Garcia played guitar. There’s a certain delay is his delivery that causes you to wonder if he’ll get there. Every time you wonder whether or not Bob heard the question, his answers flow from some kind of eternally delayed yet meaningful source. The way he keeps you leaning back as you’re trying to lean forward while you listen is an inborn gift possessed by him and him only.
Give Weir and Mayer a guitar and they instantly become more comfortable than fat kids at a bakery. We were treated to a wonderful version of Truckin and one of my favorite songs of all time, Althea. Bob delivered confidently as I couldn’t help but to feel as though this was adding another log to the fire in our musical hearts leading up to Chicago or any place the band might appear prior. For the first time since 1982, Weir sang 2 consecutive songs without missing a single lyric. Dead Head Legend, Bobby Gambelunghe, who goes by Bobby G because his last name looks like an accident in Alphabet City, said he couldn’t stop smiling following the performance. “I’m not gay but if they started a “Queer for Weir” Facebook Group, I’d join… Ya know, just to browse the comments is all…”
Even though Dead Heads are seemingly required by unwritten law to have a problem with anybody that has any level of commercial success, I’m a fan of Mayer’s. John has more chops than a Karate Tournament! That brother can infuse the blues into anything. Great job John!
Closing this one out, it was great to see Bob Weir looking good and in great musical form. As we roll towards Chicago, and possibly other stops prior (that should create some shit), we’re enjoying this victory lap together. The Official Home Of Unofficial Grateful Dead And Music News will be here to report. I hope all your dreams come true none the less! I Love You All and there’s not one damn thing you can do about it!!!
Gratefully Deadicated,
Dean Sottile (pronounced SoTilly)
www.gratefuldean.com
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In emotionally crippling news, pink slips started hitting mailboxes yesterday as heartbroken Grateful Dead fans learned their fate as being one of the poor little fishies that didn’t get picked from the massive ocean of requests. As one single picture (the one seen here) with a green clip in the top left corner, was posted 75,422 times in various groups across the Internet.
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