It seems as though the redundant posts that kicked off the week have finally gone away like herpes. That’s right, like herpes. For those of you that have experience with diseases that are typically caused by binge drinking with strangers at a campground, you understand that herpes never goes away.

This week has seen its share of activity. Following the official announcement, interviews with the musical participants started popping up quicker than lesions in a leper colony. It seems as though interviews took place in advance of the official announcement and were released immediately following. On one such interview when Bob Weir was questioned about his favorite Phish song, the moment of silence that followed was more awkward than hearing Phil sing Stella Blue.

Jill Lesh has apparently been working hard creating the set lists for 4th of July weekend as they’ve already been hacked and posted to archive.org. During Trey’s interviews he let the public know he’s been playing along with Grateful Dead records in anticipation of rehearsals that are scheduled to begin shortly after Weir is done resting. While this may seem silly, keep in mind that Trey’s stereo is much nicer than yours. Keep in mind also that the Grateful Dead’s studio recordings sound as similar to their live music as Trey will sound to Garcia.

Speaking of sounding like Garcia, fan heart throb, John K. along with Steve Kimmock used social media to support the band’s decision to choose Trey. John K. was the first on the scene sharing his excitement for the event and hoping there could be peace between Dead and Phish fans once and for all. When asked about the possibility of the two groups’ fan bases coexisting peacefully, Wavy Gravy replied, “It’s as likely as me eating a salad.”

While many thought this was a kind and classy move on their parts, others that actually were going to shows when Garcia was alive, added to the conversation. Facebook Member “Oddball Slack” who obviously has warrants out for his arrest and is smart enough not to use his real name, said “John K. is like a dwarf in a whore house with a two inch boner. The only person that’s really getting off on the experience is the dwarf.”

Apparently there are many fans with much shallower vaginas in this case as many hail John K. as Prince of being the Jerry Guy. When asked about Steve Kimmock’s response, most younger fans weren’t aware he was even on Facebook. Not only that, when his name was brought up, just about all of them had the same look on their face as Weir did when he was asked about his favorite Phish Song.

CID Entertainment experienced delays in posting reliable prices on their VIP and travel packages while their leadership attempts to figure out exactly how severely fans could be raped and pillaged before refusing to bite at their services.

Everybody associated with the hotel industry is diligently creating petitions and politicking to not allow camping at Soldier Field in what’s brewing up to be a real my petition is bigger than yours battle. Currently, hundreds of fans are camping by their mailboxes, refusing to come inside until they know whether or not they have tickets.

In other news it appears that the entire floor at Soldier Field may now be general admission. News came when chairs on the floor were brought up with concerns of chairs folding quicker than Weir at the Capitol Theater. Fans of the legendary rock group have long been opposed to reserved seating or anything else that inhibits their sense of complete and total lawlessness. When approached with this topic, Jo Powell of Misfit Farm Oregon exclaimed, “We never took kindly to our unkind behavior being thought of as anything other than kind.”

Jo, who possesses the mental acuity of someone that’s extremely acute mentally, currently breeds goats and other animals that fornicate wildly and multiply when they’re put together and given an unlimited supply of vegetables. When asked about her current position Jo said, “It’s not much different than the parking lot scene at Grateful Dead shows.”

Well folks, that wraps up another week of excitement in the wonderful and developing world of all things Grateful Dead. Be sure to join us on Facebook at The Official Home of Unofficial Grateful Dead News. You can friend me at Grateful Dean.

Stay Grateful My Friends,

Dean Sottile (pronounced So Tilly)

The Grateful Dead have emerged from their sleep like real life Rip Van Winkle this week creating a tidal wave of activity throughout the Sleepy Hollow of today’s music scene. Much like Rip, the band is waking up and discovering a whole new world. One would have to ask themself after an extremely long period of inactivity, “Fuck me running, have I really been sleeping that long?”

As questions and concerns preceding this monumentous event arise, I assure you I will be here to report them. An increasing number of spoof reporters and keyboard comedians have risen from the ashes quicker than the Grateful Dead’s sex appeal this week but don’t be fooled by imitations. I, Dean Sottile, pronounced So Tilly, am The Official source of Unofficial and completely fabricated news revolving around this anniversary.

In an attempt to answer everybody’s most pertinent and pressing questions, I’ll start with the elderly whose ability to read through long pieces has been significantly hampered by decades of using superior hallucinogens and dreadfully inferior reefer. Members of the message board group “Grateful Dead Tour Veterans 1970s” are incredibly excited about a few things this year. For one, many of them received their Medicare Card and have already had their first invasive medical procedures and exams since the summer of ’69. As Dead Heads, they’re still complaining due to deductibles and co-pays that they feel should really just be free. While nearly every restaurant in the country provides them with senior discounts, their blood pressure is skyrocketing because there is no such discount on anniversary tickets.

Another bone of contention is the absence of Donna at these shows. I contacted Donna, The only member with a listed phone number who seemed to be waiting patiently by the phone for somebody, anybody, to call her about this. When asked if she was invited to participate in the celebration, Donna exclaimed, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOO NAAAAA NAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!”

Love you Donna, thanks for taking the call.

Another question that seemed to have more lives than the Terminator was, “Why Chicago?” You ready for the real answer? BECAUSE!!! That’s why!!! Now book your flights and STFU.

The Grateful Dead used the extensive list of fans and powerful connections they’ve accumulated over the years in order to roll back gas prices to where they were when Garcia last took the stage at Soldier Field in ’95. A letter of thanks would be far more appropriate than another post asking the question, “Why Chicago?” Rent a moped, leave now and it’ll cost you $37 to get there.

In the group “Grateful dead Tour Veterans 1980’s,” a far more civilized bunch than most, Dynamic Radio Show host and contributor Eric Schwartz seemed to be a calming voice in an otherwise unsettled environment. Eric, who never uses Grateful Dead lyrics as answers to questions, was trying to distract from the chaos of Chicago based postings by contributing pictures of auction merchandise he could never afford to purchase. When asked about the recent hailstorm of activity Eric only responded by saying, “Consistent…” When other members were asked about the developing story they used Grateful Dead lyrics to answer immediately disqualifying them from being mentioned in this piece.

The next immediate question seeking an answer was, “How the fuck do I get tickets?”

It seems the majority of the fan base were much smarter before they became doctors and lawyers. As of this writing, thousands of fans are losing sleep trying to figure out how many money orders they need to send and for what amounts. The majority of them will rush to the post office tomorrow to purchase money orders, that can’t be sent out until Tuesday, only to find it’s closed for Martin Luther King Day. At this point, Many of them will find fault with the postal system and complain to whomever will listen about the exorbitant amount of holidays for postal employees.

High on the list of priorities is booking the perfect hotel room for this magical weekend. Complaints once again began circling through cyberspace since the majority of hotel rooms in Chicago aren’t free. It seems as though many thought Gary, Indiana would have been a much better and more affordable choice for the event. Aside from the crime, lack of any venue at all worth playing and the population’s general hostility towards all human beings, Gary would’ve been a much more affordable option. When asked about hotels in the area, Phil Lesh replied, “Mine will definitely be better than yours.”

I’m also happy to report that Unofficial Grateful Dead Historian, Scott Allen and myself have exchanged pleasant messages and will be playing golf together this summer. It seems as though his sense of humor remains intact unlike many others within the Grateful Dead community. When asked about this development, a female fan named Beth said, “I look forward to returning to Soldier Field to see if my personality is still at Lost and Found.”

Well my friends, this wraps up the most exciting week our community has experienced since the announcement of the Warlocks Shows in 1989. If I could shed any light on the growing anticipation and feeding frenzy that has kidnapped our communities it would be this; Pump the brakes y’all. Every little thing gonna be alright. Stay tuned and feel free to ask any questions you’d like me to answer.

Gratefully Deadicated,

Dean Sottile (pronounced SoTilly)

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