Tag Archives: Grateful Dead Tickets


For Throwback Thursday here’s the first thing I wrote that went a little viral in the GD Community one year ago today. The ride of our lives was just taking its first steps. Love y’all forever!

Dean Sottile (pronounced So Tilly) here, officially reporting from Stinson Beach, California by way of the Internet. Die hard fans of rock and roll hall Of famers, the Grateful Dead, have singlehandedly solved the economic crisis that crippled the United States just yesterday. The US Postal Service became profitable for the first time since 1995 as Dead Heads flooded the country’s offices mail ordering requests at a chance of scoring tickets to the 4th of July event in Chicago.

The Grateful Dead, whose mail order process has been updated about as often as their followers’ clothing, still requires fans to send individual postal money orders for every show they plan to attend plus individual money orders for separate shipping charges when applicable. One of the bigger problems facing those who choose to mail order their requests was figuring out how to fit a #10 sized envelope into another #10 sized envelope.

People who couldn’t afford dental work or diapers last week, have now floated $7,000 into the mail system for an undetermined amount of time hoping to secure the magic tickets. Some fans simply chose to put stamps on their self addressed envelopes because after purchasing $7,000 worth of tickets, $20 is too much to pay for shipping. When asked about the activity of the past day, Vern, a postal employee from Macon, Georgia said, “We dun run flat outta dem dar muney erders!”  Vern said he didn’t know anything about Dead Heads but was familiar with crack heads who typically pay their past due electric and water bills with money orders.

Many fans channeled their inner Picasso decorating their requests in hopes of being noticed far more than those who obviously can’t draw worth a shit. Social Networking sites posted pictures of elaborate fan art as it became obvious that many people spent more time on this envelope than the typical rock star spends with their children during the course of a year. People with far less artistic ability, once seeing these posts, began signing up for a chance at the Internet pre sale immediately. They’re clearly screwed like a tied up goat on the hills of Greece.

The Grateful Dead ticket office, in Stinson Beach, California, is getting more action this week than Bob Weir on the Europe ’72 Tour. The last time this many requests came in fans were chanting, “Let Phil Sing!” a chant that hasn’t been heard since 1995 but in recent years has left fans wondering, “What the hell were we thinking?”

Message boards continue to be filled by posts ranging from the Grateful to the Hateful. When asked about the current chatter, Jeff Chimenti, who will be manning the keyboards for the historic event said, “I’m just glad all those bitches have left me out of the conversation like a one legged man at an ass kicking contest!” Interestingly enough, when Trey Anastasio was asked about the multitudes of opinions coming in from Grateful Dead Land he said, “I feel like the only ass that showed up for the ass kicking competition.”

The answers given on interviews clearly show that this group of musicians are on the same page and are already showing signs of creative chemistry. You can be sure of one thing, They both will be there and they both will make it apparent, early and often, why they were chosen. It’s well known that Trey has made having red hair cool for the first time in history. As a Phish fan with over 200 Shows under my belt since 1991, I couldn’t be happier with the selection.

Wrapping up this mail order edition of the official source of unofficial anniversary news, I leave you with this: it’s a big ass stadium. There’s a HUGE heap of tickets. If you don’t buy them from scalpers, scalpers can’t sell them. When scalpers are holding thousands of dollars of tickets that aren’t selling on the secondary market, they begin to shit all over themselves like their assholes blew out. When that happens they begin to sell tickets like deck furniture on their sinking Titanic that was built from unrealized hopes and dreams of riches. They begin taking anything they can get in order to escape from under their botched delusions of grandeur. Do everybody a favor and do your part as well in assisting a scalper to eventually shit himself. Keep that in mind please and until next time, stay grateful my friends!

Gratefully Yours,
Dean Sottile (pronounced So Tilly)


In hopes of moving the learning curve ahead a little more rapidly, it’s been rumored that somebody in the Inner Circle dosed John Mayer’s cookies and milk prior to rehearsals this week. Having grown up in the “Bath Salts” Generation, John was a virgin to LSD. About an hour after puddling some of the Family crystal wash into Mayer’s afternoon snack, things began changing rapidly. What began as John’s strings feeling a little bit sticky ultimately turned into his entire guitar becoming a giant slug, according to sources. As things began to unfold, Billy was treated for severe abdominal cramps due to excessive laughter. It was a long and educational day with a spiritually cleansing result. The details have been hazy as reported from people further toward the outside of the insiders.

Apparently, while going over some songs, the LSD that an unknown individual named Billy, slipped into John’s snack began to come on stronger than initially expected. While making a few runs through Bob’s “Looks Like Rain”, apparently Mayer began crying and feeling as though it was mandatory for him to do love to Katy. Katy, who shared the cookies and milk with John, was feeling nervous as her stomach was churning like a bag of kittens in a washing machine for reasons she couldn’t understand. There was a sense of nervousness that had come over them both simultaneously. Her and John ran off but while attempting to make love, Mayer, a little too filled with acid, could only get hard in the middle. It looked like a garter snake swallowed a mouse. They both felt a little confused and decided to try to paint instead. On their way to purchase painting supplies, they purchased thousands of dollars of absolute and unrelated shit that appeared really beautiful at the moment. They were struck by an intense desire to walk on grass and headed to a park they saw in the distance. They found liberating conversation regarding the variety of animals that were all created for special and significant reasons and for a brief moment in time, had each one’s purpose completely figured out within the grand scheme of life on the planet. They hoped to remember all of this forever but forgot everything the minute they realized how completely green the grass was. Their combined discovery of every small item, seemingly overlooked for their entire lives up to this point, had them in a state of toddler like excitement at the planet around them.

It was reported that John came across an orange and was compelled to care for it like it was a baby bird. He felt the balanced and nutrient dense energy of the living food had summoned him to be a paternal force in the life experience of the fabled fruit. It was at this point the trip turned to unexpected places. While lying on his stomach in the park, a worm crawled into his visual field. His mind turned back to Pink Floyd’s The Wall Album as the worm quickly became a powerful judge within his spun mind. He sat before a Court of his peers and flashed back to his interview in Playboy Magazine. As the files in his brain began feeding him the contents of the interview, John saw himself in The Court. He began to realize as he revisited the contents of his interview that in all reality, he was a complete dickhead. He couldn’t remove the self image that was placed before him and etched in his hallucinating mind.

He spent an hour or two in a bathroom inside of a Starbucks location to reflect on his past ills and sat before the jury in his mind nervously awaiting a verdict. Time nearly stood still as he sat repentant in a stall. His mind forced him to repetitively review his past transgressions until a loud knock came on the door scaring the living shit out of him. His meekly said to the door, “I’ll be right out…” He looked in the mirror, frightened and somewhat alarmed about his state of mind as well as his grayish green skin color. As he exited he tried hard to make eye contact with nobody and begged whatever listening deity exists in his world that he wouldn’t be noticed by anyone in his scrambled state. As he walked briskly down the street, the sun shone brightly on his face and he felt the release of the tension within his Soul as he realized he was as free as he chose to be regarding his past attitudes and ill ideas. A sense of relief came over him as he began hearing Althea play in his head. Even the thought of the sound of Garcia’s voice in his imagination seemed to cover of him with a profound sense of comfort. He reached for his phone that he totally forgot he had for the past 5 hours and put on the Althea that started this entire experience. The sound of the familiar lick that hooked him in the first place, along with the tone and delivery of Jerry’s vocal took his rough and weathered brain and cosmically embraced it. His entire being was totally engulfed in the sound that couldn’t be found prior to his initial Dead Dream. He saw each day of his life since that moment as if they were all recorded on pages in a book. The gentle breeze that blew began turning each and every page in a manner that was so orderly and perfectly paced that he believed the breeze had to be sent from a mystical place that was perfectly designed to turn pages in the book of memories that people keep. He smiled on the inside as he recognized the serendipity of it all. He felt deeply at peace as he came to the conclusion that he faced the scrutiny of the Acid Test and passed through to the other side. His Soul was purified and purged of its past iniquities and was born again anew to fill a role that was predestined for him ages ago in the vast ether of the unknown substance from which all life emanates.

Then out of nowhere, he remembered where the whole day began and immediately picked up his pace to return to the sessions that are preparing him for the task ahead with Dead and Company. He thought to himself, remarkably detached from any sense of guilt or worry, “I wonder where the fuck Katy is???” Since there was a deep internal knowing that she was experiencing whatever it was she was supposed to experience, he headed back to the rehearsals as a brand new creation. He understood the connection to his internal voice and the sense of complete surrender to its call. He understood that he didn’t need to know exactly what was up in order to know that, whatever was up was exactly what was supposed to be up. With a newly installed sense of psychedelic intuition and certainty he immediately returned to his inherent state of self confidence and strength. As he returned to the practice location, Katy was there blowing Bubbles and drinking Champagne. It didn’t bother John, even though Bubbles is one of the Crew members… He strapped on his guitar and found himself totally immersed in the sonic experience like never before. He was playing with his entire being and could feel the dramatic shifts in environmental energy in the various parts of each song. He was recognizing that the music made from the remaining members of The Grateful Dead actually goes deeper than the magma of the earth and further out than the most remote stars known to man. He has officially come on board for life’s greatest musically journey to a place reserved for those capable of breathing in the rarified air that circulates around the core of The Dead. His place was determined long ago from beyond the great unknown horizon of destiny to take his place amongst the legends assembled as Dead and Company. Those that have been harsh, you can all stop hating him now as he clearly was chosen by the guy in the sky to be part of all of this since the beginning of creation. I don’t know if any of this story is true but if it is, He has passed the Test with flying colors. While the rehearsal videos absolutely wreak of the aroma of mediocrity, they don’t include the most important ingredient, US. Don’t get me wrong, I believe by show time, this group of guys will be OUTSTANDING! I just wasn’t overwhelmed by the possibly premature previews. I’m certain by the time Albany comes around, the fragrance will definitely be one of unequalled excellence in spontaneous creation and development of fantastic flavors of sound. John is merely at the very beginning of one of the most fulfilling journeys this abundantly talented individual will ever take. We will take it alongside of him as brothers and sisters in the greatest musical family every assembled on planet earth, US!!!!

Countdown to kickoff y’all!!! See ya in a few!

Dead To The Core,

Dean Sottile (pronounced So Tilly)