Tag Archives: Dead50


For Throwback Thursday here’s the first thing I wrote that went a little viral in the GD Community one year ago today. The ride of our lives was just taking its first steps. Love y’all forever!

Dean Sottile (pronounced So Tilly) here, officially reporting from Stinson Beach, California by way of the Internet. Die hard fans of rock and roll hall Of famers, the Grateful Dead, have singlehandedly solved the economic crisis that crippled the United States just yesterday. The US Postal Service became profitable for the first time since 1995 as Dead Heads flooded the country’s offices mail ordering requests at a chance of scoring tickets to the 4th of July event in Chicago.

The Grateful Dead, whose mail order process has been updated about as often as their followers’ clothing, still requires fans to send individual postal money orders for every show they plan to attend plus individual money orders for separate shipping charges when applicable. One of the bigger problems facing those who choose to mail order their requests was figuring out how to fit a #10 sized envelope into another #10 sized envelope.

People who couldn’t afford dental work or diapers last week, have now floated $7,000 into the mail system for an undetermined amount of time hoping to secure the magic tickets. Some fans simply chose to put stamps on their self addressed envelopes because after purchasing $7,000 worth of tickets, $20 is too much to pay for shipping. When asked about the activity of the past day, Vern, a postal employee from Macon, Georgia said, “We dun run flat outta dem dar muney erders!”  Vern said he didn’t know anything about Dead Heads but was familiar with crack heads who typically pay their past due electric and water bills with money orders.

Many fans channeled their inner Picasso decorating their requests in hopes of being noticed far more than those who obviously can’t draw worth a shit. Social Networking sites posted pictures of elaborate fan art as it became obvious that many people spent more time on this envelope than the typical rock star spends with their children during the course of a year. People with far less artistic ability, once seeing these posts, began signing up for a chance at the Internet pre sale immediately. They’re clearly screwed like a tied up goat on the hills of Greece.

The Grateful Dead ticket office, in Stinson Beach, California, is getting more action this week than Bob Weir on the Europe ’72 Tour. The last time this many requests came in fans were chanting, “Let Phil Sing!” a chant that hasn’t been heard since 1995 but in recent years has left fans wondering, “What the hell were we thinking?”

Message boards continue to be filled by posts ranging from the Grateful to the Hateful. When asked about the current chatter, Jeff Chimenti, who will be manning the keyboards for the historic event said, “I’m just glad all those bitches have left me out of the conversation like a one legged man at an ass kicking contest!” Interestingly enough, when Trey Anastasio was asked about the multitudes of opinions coming in from Grateful Dead Land he said, “I feel like the only ass that showed up for the ass kicking competition.”

The answers given on interviews clearly show that this group of musicians are on the same page and are already showing signs of creative chemistry. You can be sure of one thing, They both will be there and they both will make it apparent, early and often, why they were chosen. It’s well known that Trey has made having red hair cool for the first time in history. As a Phish fan with over 200 Shows under my belt since 1991, I couldn’t be happier with the selection.

Wrapping up this mail order edition of the official source of unofficial anniversary news, I leave you with this: it’s a big ass stadium. There’s a HUGE heap of tickets. If you don’t buy them from scalpers, scalpers can’t sell them. When scalpers are holding thousands of dollars of tickets that aren’t selling on the secondary market, they begin to shit all over themselves like their assholes blew out. When that happens they begin to sell tickets like deck furniture on their sinking Titanic that was built from unrealized hopes and dreams of riches. They begin taking anything they can get in order to escape from under their botched delusions of grandeur. Do everybody a favor and do your part as well in assisting a scalper to eventually shit himself. Keep that in mind please and until next time, stay grateful my friends!

Gratefully Yours,
Dean Sottile (pronounced So Tilly)

Grateful Dean Logo 2

It was almost one year ago that The Official Home of Unofficial Grateful Dead and Music News was born. Almost an entire year since the ride of our lives began to take flight once again. It feels like WAY more time has gone by since then based on the amount of things that have happened for all of US. Here’s a look back at the beginning of it all. Our first GD 50 related post that kicked it all off. Enjoy!


The Interwebs are aglow this week after sparks of a Grateful Dead 50th Anniversary Tour or set of shows were just looking for enough gasoline to create a fire. It seems as though the rumors were once again given the traction they needed when unofficial Grateful Dead writer, Scott Allen, was the first on the scene pretending to know something about the future. Scott, whose most recent publication, AB2B has sold nearly 2,000 copies, reported last year from The Capitol Theater, in Port Chester, NY, that Phil was the last member of the Band to sign a contract agreeing to play The Lockn’ Festival for the reunion. Interestingly enough, Lockn tickets were scheduled to go on sale within weeks. Apparently the talk backstage that night involved drummer, Joe Russo, saying to some of the guys after meeting a middle aged female fan, “I’ll be Lockin that ass in my room later.”

It’s also been rumored that Scott is receiving a five figure salary from the Grand Poobah of today’s psychedelic scene, Peter Shapiro, for sniffing the strychnine and Metamucil farts out of the seats in the balcony following Phil and Friends’ performances. To Furthur accelerate the anticipation of things to come, Bob Weir was overheard at one of Sammy Hagar’s holiday parties saying, “If she asks me to do one more damn project around the house, I’m going back on the road. Doesn’t she know I’m Bob fuckin’ Weir?”

In his most recent post, the anniversary shows are now headed to Soldier Field in Chicago on 4th of July weekend and will feature a longtime fan favorite on guitar, Ginger from Gilligan’s Island.

As the reports began to spread faster than venereal diseases at Rainbow Gatherings, social network moderators policing the band’s devout fan base were attempting to calm the insanity and maintain some semblance of order. It seems as though the rumor mill turned into a ferris wheel regarding the guitarist that would sit in with the band. The word on the street is that guitar players will be rotating through the band quicker than blowjobs in the 80s.

While everybody began to know somebody that knows somebody it seems as though nobody knows anybody including this somebody. When I attempted to contact Bill Kreutzmann regarding the rumors he answered briefly by saying, “Who the fuck are you and how did you get my number? Go Fuck yourself you nobody, I’m Bill Kreutzmann DAMMIT!!!”

I attempted to reach Mickey as well but his representatives told me he was putting an end to global hunger through drumming or some kind of shit like that. When I asked if she could be more specific she replied, “Sure, call back after you go fuck yourself.”

The news created a shakeup on Wall Street as cheese futures made a dramatic upturn. When asked why he failed to get on board, Warren Buffett, no relation to Jimmy, stated he was unsure of the “juice” the Core 4 had within the jamming community and feared that aging fans most likely developed varying sensitivities to products containing lactose. Sales of Coleman camping stoves rose in direct proportion to cheese futures.

Problems continue to circulate about insurance policies which seems to be a wonderful scapegoat for what promises to be high dollar tickets. A large portion of the fan base, still living in their now deceased parents’ basements and wearing the same concert T they purchased at Barton Hall in ’77 call this move “unkind.” They also find it totally uncool that their Barton Hall shirt can now be purchased new at Walmart for under $8. When Phil was asked about ticket prices he replied, “Brutha gotta eat! And Jill don’t wear no Payless shoes, you hear me, homie?!”

With all the guessing and speculation, only one thing is certain, Phish fan and rail rider, Antelope Greg is already waiting on line to get in as we speak. Three elderly women and a maintenance worker have been elbowed already for infringing on his “space.”

Highly opinionated Dead Heads are calling for the death of anyone who attempts to even think about playing guitar. Bob is… still resting. Phil continues to give his donor rap to the exact same 1,800 people for the past decade. Internet message board police are removing antagonistic members quicker than Lindane shampoo removes pubic lice and me, Dean Sottile, I don’t know shit. The only member of the entire fan base to readily admit, I have no connections at all. Not a single damn one.

Stay Grateful My Friends… Love You Forever!!!

Dean Sottile
Scott Allen’s Unofficial Biographer