In tremendous news this week, it was announced that Zane Kesey will be leading the charge in turning Chicago from a Gangster’s Paradise to a Prankster’s Paradise 4th of July weekend. The announcement gave birth to a Bouncing Baby Joy as people started canceling hotel reservations quicker than they made them. According to early reports there is tons of camping and more special guests than 20 years worth of Rex Benefits. Special guests won’t be hard to come by since everybody that plays an instrument has booked a gig in Chicago already. John K’s name was finally mentioned bringing rainbow colored happiness to his immediate family as well as himself. Some fans have had more splinters in their asses than kids with no athletic talent and fathers that insist they’re on baseball teams since John K’s name has been mostly absent up until now. You’d think he’s Donna or something. I’m gambling on both of them participating in the historic weekend.
The name “50th Anniversary Acid Test” caused Chicago law enforcement to order 40 Clown Noses and begin training officers to ride unicycles and learn how to juggle immediately. The group of Merry Pranksters have made it clear that rumors of Hologram Owsley passing out Kool-aid are false. They have claimed the only acid that will be readily available during their event will be Uric Acid, the chief culprit in the onset of Gout. Posts have been made by the leaders of the movement that even snacks high in purines, typically leading to increased levels of Uric Acid and ultimately the onset of Gout will be extremely limited.
The announcement made by the Pranksters has sent a Spirit of Happiness through a community that has desperately needed some. The community that centered around not taking it all so seriously, in recent months has more closely resembled our government than the community we all were crafted from. The addition of a large scale Prankster Event is exactly what this weekend needed. With the connections that exist within this group of highly intelligent people posing as clowns, the guests that pass through this event are sure to be top shelf L, S and D Level Celebrities.
Tickets, prices and availability haven’t been announced yet which should give many of you plenty of time to think of how you’ll complain about tickets, prices and availability. It was mentioned that the location is within jogging distance to Soldier Field as long as you can jog like Forest Gump. When I asked for details about performers and events for the weekend, I was hit in the face by a Cream Pie and then buried in that string shit that gets sprayed out of cans. Rest assured, The Pranksters know how to throw a party and have a strong female membership which typically assures that a bunch of stuff won’t be forgotten, like water and toilets.
Early rumors include performances by a Dark Star Orchestra Cover Band and a yodeling competition sponsored by a generic Hot Chocolate Company. A Prankster Olympics competition is a strong possibility with events like the Hamstring Pull and Synchronized Tent Screwing. For the Irish folks, have a go at the Sunburn competition! What’s on the menu you ask? BBQ Ribs and mashed potatoes with Wavy Gravy. Speaking of Wavy, when asked if he would be camped out there for the weekend he replied, “You can find my ass camping at the Four Seasons you absolute nobody!” There’s no doubt that vehicles leaving the event on Monday will all smell like a mix between a gymnasium and a shallow grave.
We look forward to more details emerging as the days go by and I personally wonder if it’s all a joke in the first place. We all know Official Pranksters have one day a year off and that’s April 1st. Maybe the whole thing is a Prank that was mentioned on the first day back to work. I think it’s about time the leaders of those whose job it’s been throughout the years to spread laughter have emerged. I don’t know what the requirements ever were or are to be an Official Prankster but I’m glad the Official Army of Smiles have announced their participation in this historic weekend in what seems like an enormous fashion. As an Officially Unofficial participant of the weekend, it makes me happier than a briefcase full of acrobats!
Just a side note, LSD was supposed to show you everything you were required to see by now. The windows should all be open by now for most of us. The next step on the ladder was realizing you always had everything required to see what you needed to see without LSD but needed it for a while in order to reorganize your mind and demolish your ego long enough to allow that shift to happen. By removing the overbearing influence of the educated mind and handing over control to our innate consciousness we learned more about ourselves than books could’ve ever taught us. If the message didn’t come through by the time you were hearing Brokedown Palace, chances are you might have missed it. Anyway, what do I know? I’m just a guy with a website.
The Holy Days of April were celebrated in a fashion that perfectly represented the figures and events that were celebrated. Phil lead a Jewbilee at Terrapin Temple with the well to do while his brother, Bill Kreutzmann, posted a video of himself, in true Christ like fashion, taking a moment to play some makeshift drums with a street performer following brunch in San Francisco. I don’t know about anyone else, but watching that video really made me smile from deep inside. Check it out if you haven’t seen it on his Facebook Page.
Last but certainly not least, I Love You and there’s not a single thing you can do about it. Talk to ya soon!