In an event that was initially not taken seriously, surviving Grateful Dead members set another record Monday when their announcement for additional Dead and Company shows hit Instagram. The record they set this time was, “Worst Fuckin Artwork Ever to Accompany The Announcement of a Major Music Tour”. Most older Deadheads thought Instagram was a place to purchase Medical Marijuana and tried like hell to immediately find a location near their homes. There’s almost too many things wrong with this to list.
Should I start with the typewriter font? Whose idea was that? Was that supposed to be retro or some shit? How about the bit at the bottom? “fun for kids 2 to 82” Apparently the poor bastard they borrowed the typewriter from isn’t allowed at the show. If I was an 83 year old Deadhead, I’d have another reason to be pissed off and insulted besides thinking the band died with Pigpen, TC, Keith and Donna, and tickets no longer costing $4. Speaking of older folks, apparently they’re releasing dates like old men with enlarged prostates release urine, just a little at a time. They make it seem like they’re rushing around trying to piece together a Tour. Just about all of these dates have been booked since before the Fare Thee Well shows. More dates are coming, you can bank on that!
Can we touch on the bottom of the announcement?
See the dynamic interplay between band members
hear them as they dazzle on their instruments
feel the sensation of unity and celebration
Can we not even use capital letters? Can I buy an exclamation point? This is probably what Billy’s book would’ve looked like without Benjy’s help. Who the fuck thought this was a good idea? In Corporate Horseshit America, you know how many people have to say “Yes” before something gets approved? You mean to tell me, nobody had the guts to say, “I’m sorry Agnes but this absolutely sucks.”? “hear them as they dazzle on their instruments” Really? Who the hell wrote this shit? Somebody is actually getting a big ass paycheck to come up with this? “feel the sensation of unity and celebration” That sounds more like a Gay Pride Parade on Sesame Street sponsored by New Age Religion than a Dead Show… I hope this isn’t the same joker that’s responsible for designing Tour Merchandise. We’ll have a bunch of Dead and Company Tube Tops and 3/4 length baseball jerseys(No offense Eric Schwartz of Lone Star Radio, Dallas Texas) Maybe we’ll get some sweet baseball hats with the damn mosquito net mesh on the back, Polyester Dead and Co Leisure Suit Blazer for $500. Mama Mia…
The People pulling the strings behind the scenes are very fortunate to be faceless conglomerates on this one. Since you really have no idea who the promoter is, who the hell should we bitch about? American Express? The majority of people out there in Grateful Dead Land threw a party when they scored a Discover Card for the first time when Chicago was announced. What’s Discover Card’s motto? “When you carry Discover, Carry Cash as well! Discover Card: The only card your poor credit has allowed you to Discover!” Not only do we need plastic nowadays, we need the right plastic. Can’t Bernie Sanders do something about all of this? A Tour sponsored by Amex is more Trump than anything. Fuck American Express! Fuck Everybody! Fuck Promoters that aren’t identified by name so we can say Fuck (Insert Promoter’s name)! Hold on… That could be a brilliant idea.. Good thinkin on that one!
After all that outburst, I gotta say, I’m pretty happy I scored a few seats on that Amex presale…
Oh well, no big deal. We’re all happy to see more Dead and Company coming our way except for the people that think everybody in the band should’ve stopped playing music after Pigpen died, Tom got the boot, Keith and Donna were dismissed, or Jerry passed, etc. For the rest of us, it’s going to be a tremendous Fall spent with our favorite musicians playing our favorite songs on BIG stages in a BIG way! All kidding aside, I think this group of guys are going to bring out the very best in those around them. John Mayer has never experienced playing with US in the audience. As a group, WE bring it every night! By now, he’s beginning to have some things drawn out of him that he didn’t know existed. It’s times like these that artists grow abundantly into their next level of talent and often times become something they didn’t know they could ever be. While people have thrown a lot of shit around about Mayer’s past, many of us were absolute dicks that said plenty of stupid shit too before finding our way into the culture that changed us. John is so close to the core of our community right now that I’m certain his growth as an artist as well as a human being will be incredible this year. My Life with The Grateful Dead transformed my thought life forever. It did the same for many of you. Consuming Grateful Dead Music in large quantities changes people forever and usually for the better. I expect no different for John, it’s just an inevitable part of the process. Good luck gathering tickets y’all, We’ll ALL get in without much of a problem I’d have to imagine.
Between then and now, One Great event awaits for the Official Home of Unofficial Grateful Dead News, LOCKN! I couldn’t be more excited for the gathering of the Legends along with those that are next in line to fill that roll. The lineup is exceptional and I’m hoping the weather will be as well! I’ll be reporting from the event as often as possible and hope to see a bunch of you there. It’s not too late to make your plans and head to Arrington!
See ya on the road my friends! Don’t take it all too seriously…
Dead To The Core,
Dean Sottile (pronounced So Tilly)